Nattering Nabobs

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Beloved American Voter

On this, the day before the mid-terms elections, let us pause to take stock of the vast American landscape and the diversity of opinion that lay before us.

Surely tomorrow, whether we be on our knees praising the Lord or rending our garments, we will be thankful for the cessation of the lively political discourse as epitomized by all the delightful campaign ads set upon us.

I say this because in my recent travels I have been privileged to be exposed to many ads for both candidates and initiatives here in Washington and in Arizona and Colorado.

This has allowed me to form the following beliefs. First, all the candidates are terrible people. I base this on the dark ominous invectives contained in the ads themselves as I’m certain the individuals responsible would not resort to character assassination. Consequently, these terrible people  will either tax us to death or cause us to die because of inadequate healthcare and bankruptcy. They also hate America.

None of this is good for the spirit, if I may say so.

As an aside, apparently they will have more power than I originally thought. Turns out, if I’m being properly enlightened, that being elected to the House of Representatives allows you to impose a state income tax. Who knew?

While the people are all terrible, the initiatives have the advantage of giving us the choice between variables of horrible. Here in Washington we’re being asked to choose between higher gas prices or raging fires every summer, although technically it’s a first in the nation carbon tax. Hum… Then there’s the repeal of Seattle’s soda tax, which must happen so they can’t tax our bananas. Again, hum…

In Arizona, there’s something that threatens to turn the state into California, Prop 127, which mandates more renewable energy, 50% by 2030 and which will cost Arizonans more money, or not. Apparently, it depends on who you ask. Probably more terrible people.

In Colorado, other than the crazy people running for office, there is one initiative worth mentioning. Prop 112 would require that any drilling be at least 2500 feet from habitable dwellings. From the ads I saw, this means choosing between cancer or the state economy tanking. It must be dire because even beloved Bronco luminary John Elway is weighing in. For a moment, I foolishly considered looking into whether that was true or not, but thought better of it. Who am I, an average citizen, to presuppose that dastardly elements are at work here. I’m sure it’s on the up and up as all these state initiatives are.

Otherwise I might find horrible and terrible are the law of the land.

VOTE!

©2018 David William Pearce

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